Why I need to be President of the United States.

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/09/23/ahmadinejad-demise-capitalism-arrived/


So Ahmadinejad (get a smaller name) sides on the 9/11 Truthers. If I were President, I would walk into the U.N. and call his ass out. I would challenge him to a fight, me and him. I win, you're my bitch. Iran is mine. You win . . . you're not, so don't think about it. Don't come over here trash talking us, you beak nose m***erf***ker. This is the new way we fight war, President to President, on the floor of the U.N. I'd kick his ass, then the asses of all those punk ass bitches that applauded.

Then I would remove the United States from the U.N. and tell them to get the hell out of our country. Go somewhere else.

Then I'd turn the empty U.N. building into a mega strip club.

No. Katy Perry is not too hot for Elmo

Nope. I can't say that she is. She's a cute girl and all, and yes she registers on the Hot scale, but for preschoolers?

 http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2010/09/23/katy-perry-dropped-sesame-street-racy-outfit-sparks-outcry-parents/?test=faces

I mean, let's be honest here. Little boys are not seeing this and thinking what a great pair of tits she has. They don't yet know that her fun bags are actually fun. Too them, she's just a girl in a yellow dress and a weird thing on her head. They don't know she's sexy. Or slutty. Or has been a bad girl. A very bad girl who needs a spanking. And as long as Elmo keeps his dirty thoughts to himself, they wont know, 'til about middle school.

It's the Dads that know.

"Hey boy! Gitcher ass in here and watch Ses' me Street with me! Katy Perry's on. Waddaya mean you don't care? Don't leave me hangin' boy. It ain't gonna look good if your Mom sees me watchin' this alone! Don't make me git the belt!"
 

Oh Lindsay Lindsay Lindsay

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2010/09/23/lindsay-lohan-worst-celebrity-repeat-offender/


Just start doing porn. You look ready for it.

"Regrettably, I did in fact fail my most recent drug test and if I am asked, I am prepared to appear before judge Fox next week as a result.

"Substance abuse is a disease, which unfortunately doesn't go away over night. I am working hard to overcome it and am taking positive steps forward every day. I am testing every single day and doing what I must do to prevent any mishaps in the future. This was certainly a setback for me but I am taking responsibility for my actions and I'm prepared to face the consequences," she wrote.

 "I did some speed, some pot, some coke, some meth . . . did you find all that in my urine? 'Cause, I like, heard it was, like, a test and um, thought it was a test to see if you could, like, find the drugs . . . oh, it's not that kind of test . . . Oh, so you're looking to see if there isn't any drugs in my pee . . . Oh. My bad. I thought I was, like, helping you and stuff . . . So I wasn't supposed to do that? I didn't get high or nothing . . . ."

I think her lawyer wrote that quote.

The FnP Blog

FnP Archives

Slowly but surely I'm getting this posted. If adult content offends you, don't go. I have over 90 'toons to post.

And it looks like I'll have to have another FnP blog just for the new stuff.

Why yes, I could use a few Pounds

I love these scams.

Barclay's Bank PLC, UK
1 Churchill Place London,
E14 5HP,United Kingdom


Dear Esteemed Customer,


We at this bank wish to congratulate and inform you that after thorough review of your Inheritance/Contract funds transfer release documents in conjunction with the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund assessment report, your payment file was forwarded to us for immediate transfer of a part-payment Ј5,800,000.00 GBP to your designated bank account from their offshore account with us.

We therefore advice that you stop further communication with any correspondence outside this office since you do not have to pay any  money or fee to receive your funds as you have met up with the whole funds transfer requirements.

The only thing required from you is to obtain the Non-Residential Clearance Form to enable us credit your account directly by telegraphic transfer or through any of our corresponding banks and send copies of the funds transfer release documents to you and your bankers for confirmation.

Should you follow our directives, your funds will be credited and reflect in your bank account within five (5) bank working days from the day you obtain this Non-Residential  Clearance Form.

For further details and assistance on this Remittance Notification, you are kindly advice to forward the following information.


Your full Names:
Age:
Contact Address:
Profession/occupation:
Telephone/Cell & Fax Numbers:
Passport number:

Immediately to Mrs. Nancy Webster: nancy.webster@london.com



Mrs. Nancy Webster
Head of International Transfer Dept
Barclay's Bank Plc.UK

Registered in England. Registered No: 1026167.

Registered Office: 1 Churchill Place, London E14 5HP. Barclay's Bank PLC.UK is authorized and regulated by the Financial Services Authority.

 Hey dumbasses, if you can find my email address, you should be able to find my street address. Just send me the damn check already!

Venturing forth

Several years ago I decided I had to do something. I couldn't find a science fiction in the book stores that interested me -- other than the works of Alastair Reynolds -- so I told myself I would have to write them myself. I was looking for something exciting, adventurous, believable, unpredictable, respective or religion; character driven stuff not afraid to get dark or sexy if that's where the story goes. That what I write. I spent most of the 1990s reading Analog Science Fiction and Fact, and Heavy Metal, so imagine something from those two extremes.

I got several stories in progress at various stages. Some are finished, but I haven't submitted them to a publisher because I'm sure they're quite done yet. Except one, "For Her, Anything," which I've electronically submitted to Asimov's Science Fiction. It's more character driven, than Analog's technical driven stories, and I hope they find it worthy of their fine magazine. I'd read them, and I've preferred it over Analog. So, I await their Rejection Notice months from now as I venture forth into the painful process of convincing editors and publishers I'm worth their while. A man can dream of movie deals too, can't he?

But I don't just do science fiction. I write contemporary fiction as well, exploring the lives of the less fortunate souls that walk the earth: the freaks, the outcasts, the criminals, the seeder darker parts of life, where living is hard, and most choices are bad.

If you can't find anything good to read, then stick around. I might have something for ya.